you know what really fucking sucks?
when everything is going okay, you’re feeling pretty good, and then all of a sudden one night you’re outside smoking, or in your room listening to music, and it hits you.
you’re never gonna get better
i’m sorry but this post is trash and i don’t say that very often
you know what really fucking sucks??
when everything is going okay, you’re feeling pretty good, and then all of a sudden one night you get a call from your best friend and he says, “I’m never gonna get better, am I?” and you start blurting stuff like “no oh god it’s gonna get better i swear” even though some part of you is shouting at you “you’re a big dumb hypocrite and you don’t know how to save him”
you know what really fucking sucks??? when you can’t even hold your own shit together and one day out of the blue right when you think maybe things are shaping up, his mom calls you and says “he’s dead I let this happen this is all my fault”
i thought for a long time maybe holes were beautiful because in the emptiness, you could glimpse the heavens - I fell in love with hurt. I did. I didn’t want to get better. My writing always sang the best when I was in the worst pain. After awhile of being in the bad place, you’re scared of what happens if you leave it.
And a lot of times you say “fuck, man, i can’t even take a shower today that’s how bad it is” but you know what? skip today if you have to, skip tomorrow. take the time you need. you will get better at living. the places where you loved him heal over. his grave grows grass on top of it. you get better. everything fucking gets better i swear to god and i didn’t believe it myself until one day out of the blue i was just outside looking at the clouds and for like .7 seconds i didn’t want to kill myself and in those .7 seconds i said “i’m gonna get better, aren’t i?”
and it’s not a pretty battle it’s hard as fuck - but the best things are. you’re never the same, and that’s okay. growing up isn’t as scary as they make it sound. it’s actually kind of fun when you get the hang of it. change is what makes us human. it’s okay to be different than when you started.
but fuck the notion that just because it’s bad now you’re never gonna get better - the cycle might bring you back to the start of where you crawled out of but after a while, the path back to the top becomes well-run and easier. you learn to fight. you learn to love new things, to love small moments, you learn these tactics to keep you from drowning. you find your talents, your strengths, your real friends, the people who should be your family. you find yourself, and that’s amazing
this post is a piece of shit i refuse to let people think that just because of one moment (or many moments) of sorrow, their lives will never get better. that is why people kill themselves. that is why my best friend is in the ground. that is why there are beautiful people starving themselves and kind teens cutting their skin.
stop telling people “just surrender to your depression.”
San Francisco based artist Jeremy Mann paints gritty cityscapes of cities in the US.
"should i buy a news paper? i have the cnn app? does that count? should i buy a coffee maker? it will probably save me a lot of money? but then i have to buy coffee beans? i dont know shit about coffee beans! should i act like i’m reading this bottle of wine for a few minutes before i head straight to the discount vodka section? should i go to the supermarket and buy broccoli? i fucking hate broccoli did i just get invited to a fucking dinner party .. …what do you bring to a dinner party???? TAX SEASON SHOTS FOR EVERYONE! wakes up staring at a ceiling that is not my own ..did i just burn toast? how did i make it this far in life without fucking DYIGN i’m so DUMB and sTUPD and i cant do anyhtign right.. yeah hey mom yeah i’m fine how are you"
Madeleine L’Engle on creativity, writing, censorship, and the art of disturbing the universe – spectacular read.
introverts: sit quietly in corner reading good book and drinking tea
extroverts: throw water balloons at old man, sing too loudly, eat all the jello
if you ever need a incentive to finish college just remember DEGREE MEANS MORE MONEY (hopefully) WHICH MEANS YOU CAN HAVE MORE DOGS
GO TO COLLEGE GET MORE PUP
The cognitive dissonance caused by a society that tells its children to “follow their dreams” through messages in films, literature, etc. and then punishes them for not choosing safe, money making careers in adulthood is fascinating, to say the least.
no matter what im doing at least 10% of my brain capacity is perpetually dedicated to imagining oscar wilde on social media. oscar wilde on twitter. oscar wilde on tumblr. oscar wilde on grindr. opening a snapchat from oscar wilde. can you imagine.